


Alec and Tea

by Foodmoon



Series: Of Tea and Glitter Guns and Cats [7]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Boredom, Gadgets, Gen, M/M, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 03:51:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13562205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Q is not pleased





	Alec and Tea

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine.

The first time Q finds Alec in his flat is nearly a month after Bond has retired from MI-6 and ridden off into the sunset with Miss Lynd. (Or the daylight, really, and it was a car not horseback, but details.) Q blinks at finding 006 on his couch, startled but somehow inured by now to the shock of finding someone in his flat uninvited.

“Did Bond let you in?”

Alec looks puzzled, then his expression clear. “You mean the doorman?”

Q rolls his eyes. His building doesn’t have a doorman, but he knows which neighbor Trevelyan means. “No, I mean 007.”

006 takes it as a joke.

Q wanders into the kitchen, to find his cats at the edge of it, peering owl-eyed into the living room, obviously unsettled by this stranger in their domain. An absent check of the bin reveals a distinct lack of cat treat baggies and Q finds himself strangely annoyed by this. The counter does hold a new box of Earl Grey _(and yes, he can see how 006 and Bond were friends, they think in a similar vein, it seems),_ but it’s one of those expensive, designer brands that thinks adding things like lavender and cottonwood seed to things makes it so much more worthwhile even though they neglect basic tea quality. Q grimaces and makes a note to give it to the nosiest of his neighbors, the little old lady with a teacup poodle _(it’s either a poodle or the most highly advanced tech he’s ever seen, because the very localized EMP he used on it one day had absolutely no effect),_ because it’ll serve her right, not to mention she’ll be thrilled and love it. Better yet, she’ll lay off the questions for at least the next three times he has the misfortune to run into her in the entryway.

Annoyed, he goes out into the living room again, where 006 has appropriated his laptop and is now watching some loud action movie. “Why are you here anyways, Trevelyan?”

006 looks up and gives him a wounded expression. “Aren’t we friends? Call me Alec.”

And that- That is baffling. But okay. He gets it. 006’s best friend has just taken off and decided not to return. He’s probably lonely. “Fine. Alec. If you come over again, at least bring the cats treats.”

Alec grins. “Will do.”

“How’d you find my place, anyway?”

Alec blinks and looks away from the show again to smirk at him. “Followed you home last week. You’re really too trusting for a Quartermaster, you know?”

Q narrows his eyes slightly, pulls a small, strange-looking gadget covered in odd shaped nodules out of his pocket, twists, and tosses it at Alec. Who catches it on reflex, then curses as doing so results in the thing putting out a large puff of mist from all angles. He manages to pass out onto the sofa rather than the floor, which is mildly impressive _(but not really, and the amusement factor would have been higher if he’d landed on his nose)._ What? So he’s tired, there’s a 00 uninvited in his flat _again_ (and not the usual one), and M still hasn’t bothered to choose a replacement 007, so they’re short on agents, which means the baby agents are jockeying for position and-

He’s really going to have to remember to upgrade his security. Again. Damnit.

~

Alec awakes to find his hands bound securely in cuffs that resembles some hodgepodge from some comedy scifi show where the characters are so bumbling that it is quite amazing that they haven’t managed to blow up the multiverse on accident and possibly haven’t only by dint of it all being a drug induced hallucination, which should be obvious but the viewer is never officially let in on. Experimental flexing proves that no matter the look, the cuffs are quite functional and sturdy. He looks up to find Q staring at him with that unnerving, patient look that he usually reserves for James’ litany of explanation as to how _this_ round of equipment got entirely reduced to ash and slag and teeth marks. _(And yes, James is his friend, so of course he’s never going to let him live it down. Assuming he ever sees the starry-eyed bastard again, since he’s run off with that woman who is far too aware of how to use her classic good looks.)_

_“Q-uuu,_ you’ve made your point. Can you let me out now?” he cajoles in a hopeful tone.

Q raises one brow haughtily, but rather crisply says, “System disengage.”

Nothing seems to change, but Alec is well aware that Q never does things for no reason, so he tests the cuffs again and they twist apart into what resembles one of those random mind puzzles. He realizes he saw it on a shelf earlier and thought it a random piece of junk. Impressed, he sits up and plays with it curiously. “This is rather good.”

Q snorts at the compliment. “And your taste in tea brands is atrocious. Twining’s is a safe bet, given your lack of discernment.”

Alec winces and resolves to bring things Q is less fussy about next time. Like eggs. Because, yes, it’s his fault for just grabbing a colorful box off the shelf in the nearest specialty store, but it’s not like he knows anything about the British’s wussy version of tea. He likes his strong and black, where you have to add hot water to it to thin it down and it’s as normal to add jam to it as it is to add honey or lemon or sugar. And yes, yes, he’s British now, but some things just stick, you know? Maybe Q would appreciate a nice raspberry jam to add to his tea? It’s a thought.

And he’s thought too long, because Q is flapping a hand in his face. “Watch your shows and then do go home, Alec. I come here to sleep, not play with bored agents.”

Alec beams at him, convinced now that Q isn’t truly angry and will make an excellent friend. After all, they have already played, and it’s clear that the Quartermaster truly is tired. “Yes, of course, my friend! Next time I will bring the kitties treats. Maybe they will like me better for it, no?”

Q throws up his hands, makes a disgruntled-cat hissing noise, and stomps off to his bedroom.

Alec smiles smugly and settles in to watch more of his bad action show with many amusing explosions. Ah, if life were only so easy in the field! But then again he’d be bored stiff if it was, so he is content to leave the easy bits to the films.

**Author's Note:**

> I have not watched the Craig movies, so my portrayal of Alec may be inaccurate.
> 
> In my head, Alec is very easy going and rather laid back. He's friends with Bond because they're both adrenaline junkies with traditions of politeness that translate to little thoughtful gifts. He genuinely likes people more than Bond does, but doesn't have too many more friends, for the same reasons that Bond doesn't.
> 
> Alec's comments on tea are attributable to me having recently had reason to google 'tea and jam' and ending up learning a surprising amount about Russian tea traditions. (Well, that and Alec's propensity to swearing in Russian.)
> 
> Q's commentary on teas owes a fair bit to my own adventures in trying out various tea types and brands. _(If you think drinking something that tastes like potpourri smells is a marvelous idea, do try out Tazo brand chai. It's rather sweet and rich. Unless you're sensitive to star anise, then avoid it like the plague. The plague. Because instant migraines are not fun.)_
> 
> I'm not sure even Q knows why he tried a mini EMP on a yappy little bundle of curls. Fortunately for him, the only casualties were attributed to battery failure and lack of maintenance, so Q didn't have to try to explain himself.


End file.
